I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
