Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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