Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
