Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
