Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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