you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
