And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
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i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
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Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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