i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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