he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
did i walk over a car last night?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
