I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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