Swine flu. Run for my life!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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