You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
