I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
