Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
