No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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