Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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