Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
