Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
