Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
