Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
