I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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