I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
