yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
