Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
