he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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