We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
