He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
