i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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