three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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