Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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