Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
