we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
no, he came in my armpit
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
