everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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