wanna go halves on a baby?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize