I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
