i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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