I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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