What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
