I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
