I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
