Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
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If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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