Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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