Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
