We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
