today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
