I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
