i just wanna soil my oats bro
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
