we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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