I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
