You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
