When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
