did you get engaged???
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
