Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
