we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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