my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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