May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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