Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
