Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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