I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
