You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
