How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have already put on my inside pants.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
