it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
