When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
