I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
