I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
