I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
