yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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