well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
