I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
