Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
