he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
