i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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