you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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