I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
