How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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