Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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