tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
