I am in a vortex of obligation.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
