Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
