In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize