it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
