There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Swine flu is the new snow day.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
