the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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