No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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