Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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