Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Actions speak louder than pants.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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