i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
