I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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