If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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