I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
