So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
