Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
