I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
