Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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