I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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